i would have a luxuriant 'great-aunt' moustache if not for La Parise home waxing technique i have mastered over the past decade. so depressing. everytime i fish another huge clot of hair out of the plug hole where it is blocking the drain i have 2 simple thoughts:
1. How like The Grudge this is (Japanese horror/ghost film where loads of long black hair is caught in the bath)
2. HAIR YOU STUPID THING! GET OFF THE FUCKIN FLOOR AND GET BACK ON MY FUCKEN HEAD WHERE YOU BELONG.
i am also getting runners crow face for fecks sake. the moment i start concentrating on my ass and stomach by exercising outdoors, my face decides to wrinkle up like a tan leather bag.
you just can't win at our age.
1. How like The Grudge this is (Japanese horror/ghost film where loads of long black hair is caught in the bath)
2. HAIR YOU STUPID THING! GET OFF THE FUCKIN FLOOR AND GET BACK ON MY FUCKEN HEAD WHERE YOU BELONG.
i am also getting runners crow face for fecks sake. the moment i start concentrating on my ass and stomach by exercising outdoors, my face decides to wrinkle up like a tan leather bag.
you just can't win at our age.
LOL, put it in a stocking and send it over! I'll add my copious nose hairs and grey pubes just to give it a variety of colours and textures! (Bet you are being sick now at the very thought).
ReplyDeleteI hate my sagging blot of a body so much I go to great lengths to hide it from Ben - but somehow he always managed to walk in just as:
a) I am painfully peeling my big Trin and Sus knicks off my tired old chicken skin stomach, and the biggest mass of gunt blops out.
b) I am discreetly removing my protruding nasal hairs by rotating a silver buzzing implement up my left nostril.
c) I am tugging out the extra long random tusk of hair that keeps growing from my right nipple.
d) I am examining my puckered, sagging buttocks in the mirror and considering the lengths they will go to not to stay firm and pert.
e) Ditto above for boobs.
f) Ditto above for vagina!
g) I am just standing there scratching something not nice.
It's all downhill from here!