Crone 1 is planning a romantic dinner for two.
Is she excited? A little. But she is more worried that her S/O (Significant Other) will gaze at her over the table and see a washed out old hag. She's paranoid about another spate of thinning hair - despite spending a King's ransom on Perfectil. Now she begins to think about highlights -- they could, perchance, help mask out the fluorescent white skin beneath? But everything costs money! And Crone 1 is in imminent danger of losing her job.
Is she fretting about the mortgage? Worrying about being able to support her two sons through their further education? A bit. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY she is anxious that she may not be able to afford those oh-so essential highlights. And the sexy acrylic 'French manicure' nails, so crucial to her continued happiness. What will she do when she can't buy her trusty add-ons -- the absolute necessities that detract from the all too grim reality of aging beauty? I agree with her when she says that the men who make us redundant have a LOT to answer for.
Crone 2 (me) is out of work too
It's tragic! Shallow, but very, very tragic. My hair is having a bit of a renaissance right now, cos i had it cut off short THE WEAK FECKLESS BASTARD, but i know it is a temporary reprieve as it is thinning on top and the back.
It's one of my main reasons for losing weight: I could just about bear to look in the mirror and be old AND fat, but the idea of looking in the mirror and seeing a Les Dawson woman with a comb-over -- FAT and BALD and OLD -- is one too many things to overcome.
People may scorn us for our vanity, but they know not how much it costs to maintain a face and figure -- money, time, effort, pain, indignity, horror, humiliation, learning Vietnamese insults (and that's just at the nail salon).
One of the first things that crossed my mind when i was made redundant was not 'How I am going to pay the 'real' bills?', but 'How many more trips to my top hair salon for a cut 'n' colour could i afford?' Closely followed by, 'How many packs of No.7 Beauty Serum?' and 'How many pedicures?' ... 'How much Parisil Facial Home Wax?'
Men just don't understand: they can take away our crappy jobs, but we will fight to the end for our right to stay beautiful.
Crone 1 reminisces ...
So true! I cannot imagine having to ask S/O for money to cover fripperish sounding yet absolutely necessary necessities such as nail infills/pedicures/hair highlights,lowlights + artful layering to hide bald patches/unwanted hair removal from other parts/Perfectil/industrial strength wrinkle filler/leave-on-overnight (although you're not supposed to) collagen face mask/super extra super-super max absorbency I didn't think I HAD this much blood tampons/miracle under foundation dewy virgin look cream/magic over dewy virgin look cream foundation with extra fish scales for added luminescence/anti-age spot hand cream etc etc etc let alone the BOTOX!
I am so high maintenance these days. I remember when I thought washing my face with Camay soap was the height of sophisticated opulence, and I could get away with a slick of tinted moisturiser and a fingertip full of Miner's moss green eyeshadow. Not now though.
My make-up bag alone could sink a battleship. : (
We need money and we need it NOW
I can't even give my S/O oral sex, lest he run his fingers through my carefully arranged thinning hair and finds a bald patch ... then I would be paranoid as he closes his eyes -- wondering what/who he is fantasizing about, in order to close out the un-erotic vision of Deputy Dawg (balding) going down on him ...
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