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i am therefore always waiting for the axe to fall,
the shouted words, the recriminations
the ugly, angry man's faces and tight strict voices
the terror of the little girl who cannot answer back
who expects and knows she is bad, unworthy, stupid,
unnecessary.
i hate myself for hating myself
hate the waiting for the punishment
and so on and on it goes ...
round and round the mulberry bush
i'm unstrung, unsung, un-fun
worry breeds worry and grows
i cannot escape the words the stories
the thoughts go round and round my head like a macrabre merry go round
i worry, i fret, i hate, i cry, i talk out loud
i can't stop i can't STOP
the feelings, the thoughts, that dig and poke
and hurt hurt the hurt.
the teeth that bite.
Sunday night.
wake up! prepare for life.
the last twist of the knife.